Holy confidence Batman!!!

Holy confidence Batman!!!

'Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.'
  -Henry Ward Beecher

Even Ben Affleck Has More Confidence Than You Right Now

I didn’t intend on this article starting with a Ben Affleck reference. In fact I hate to let everyone down, but I don’t have any issues with Ben Affleck. To further disappoint, I don’t think he’s a douchebag. Now, I don’t personally know Mr. Affleck, maybe he IS an asshole, douchebag, sorry excuse for a human being. But I would only probably decipher that if I met him and actually conversed with him and found out he liked to kick kittens, was a litterbug or had a passion for berating people in the service industry. Until then all I can gather is,  he’s gotten a bad rap. Most likely because at some point Ben Affleck was the shit, and all the ladies let all the gentleman know it, and if that wasn’t enough to take the douche cake in the minds and hearts of so many guys- then he dated JLo.

Why come to Ben’s defense during this Batman battle when the obvious social media trend would be to join the ‘Ben’ wagon and piss on him? Well I’ll get to that. It ties into something some guy at a bar last night said to me; ‘Women in LA have zero personality and are as fake as the boobs they bought.’ Wonderfully eloquent indeed. As a lady who is an angeleno transplant of 13 years, has a little bit of personality left, and hasn’t yet bought fake boobs, I could only gather that although completely wrong, he was insinuating my inclusion in his generalization. To which I quickly responded: ‘That sounds like something a guy would say who never gets laid.’

There it was, and it hung in the air like cigar smoke. The truth.

I decided to elaborate, because although I didn’t feel that I was part of his generalization, nor did I feel the need to stand up for all of womenkind in Los Angeles, the poor guy was exactly the demographic of my assumption. I took the opportunity to give him some information that only a chick would give, and it went a little something like this;

'Why the fuck WOULD a woman want to hang out with you, let alone, FUCK you when you have nothing to offer.' Audible gasp. I was about to become the poster child of bitchy, entitled, shallow 'Hollywood' women. 

I wasn’t done. I actually wasn’t trying to be a bitch. In fact, I didn’t hate this guy. After all, he was just replaying familiar things I’d heard my girlfriend-less, date-less, fuck-less guy friends say about a million times every Friday and Saturday night. All of these men seemed to unknowingly agree that there were certain truths about women (especially in LA) and they were as follows:

-They only want money

-They only want fame

-They only want male models

-Insert some other ridiculous, dumb, stupid excuse here

Now, lets be honest. This isn’t even remotely true. Personally I can say, most of my friends (who happen to be hot, no really- legitimately, they are dancers, models, entertainment industry folk) have boyfriends or husbands, and none of them are male models, have lots of money or are famous. 

Since the whole women-only-want-money legend is a common topic amongst my male friends and acquaintances, I’ve questioned the theory a lot. I have them point out to me which girls exactly had given them the ‘fuck-you-unless-you’re-rich-or-famous-or-can-make-me-famous’ speech they’ve never actually found one. What they do point out are girls that frankly, in my opinion, are most likely out of their league. Those girls they’re staring at longingly, attempting to pick up (or mentally berating for being shallow) are all 10’s. Yup. This is LA. That girl who looks soooo much like that Americal Apparell model on the Sunset boulevard billboard- is. For real, that’s her job. They are hottie hot sexy chicks. Now, lets continue to play the game of truth here. If she’s a 10, and if you yourself are not a 10, or lack 10 type attributes (money, fame, power) why the hell do you think she would talk to you? That’s a lose for her. Give me a logical argument for this to make sense for anyone but you and your mom.  

If you’re a guy and after reading that feel depressed, I’m not done yet. Here comes the great part and Ben Affleck comes back full circle. (You will love hate it.) Dudes who can’t get laid- you have to offer something. Unfortunately you have attributed ‘something’ to only mean monetary goods or status. That is short sighted. Broaden your spectrum. What do you have to offer? Can you cook? That’s your angle! Bitches love food (at least the ones you want to hang out with do). Play an instrument? In a band? Bitches love musicians, even super weird scary or feminine looking dudes, not to mention, most musicians don’t make money, so there goes that excuse. Do you have a great sense of humor or super witty? Make that bitch laugh until she chokes on her libation. Speaking of libations, can you mix a cocktail?  Actually - forget it, find something else, bartenders will always have you beat, they get more pussy than Ben Affleck. (That still isn’t the Ben reference this topic was based on- hang tight it’s coming)

Basically guys, you must have confidence in something and it must be bigger than your insecurities. No more excuses. I don’t care if you’re shy, you can still be shy and confident. Girls call it aloof, or mysterious, but for god sakes believe you’re the shit. Why the hell would we believe it if you don’t? Seriously, think about it. How is she supposed to believe she’s lucky to be around you, if you can’t even summon up enough swagger to believe you’re worth a shit?  Stop blaming beautiful (and I know you don’t want to hear it- but SUCCESSFUL) women for your inability to close the deal of…well…YOU. Women will trade money for romance, fame for humor or reliability. But no self respecting (and hot) woman is going to trade an asset like confidence for…anything.

Ok, if I’ve remotely won you over, now you’re wondering how to approach using said asset and how to apply my theory. It’s the easiest hard thing you will ever have to do. Women (and men) can sense insecurity. Fake it and you come off as insincere or cocky. The easy/hard part is finding your confidence and believing it. Start by finding something you believe to be true. It can be really small. It could be that you’re reliable, or good at your job. Maybe you take really good care of your dog or you never need spellcheck. Whatever it is, it has to be a genuine, undeniable, unshakeable truth about yourself. This is where real confidence starts. Relish in that belief and think about it every time you have a doubt or a moment of insecurity. Once this becomes pretty habitual move onto something bigger, something that pertains to women. Are you good at planning dates? Do you give great back massages? Do you think you would treat a woman better than anyone else? Find a belief that resonates as absolute truth about you and focus on that. As you go through your day, instead of looking at all the women you wish you could be pouring hot oil on if they weren’t all gold diggers, think of all the genuine things you BELIEVE about yourself and great things that you TRULY have to offer a lady, because of how fucking awesome you are. 

Now back to Affleck. If this still isn’t making much sense, or you have new excuses you’d like to offer, I leave you with this; after thousands maybe even millions of mean, spiteful, angry, hateful, twitter, facebook and other forms of forums for public ranting toward the new Batman casting…

Ben Affleck STILL has more confidence than you.(<— yup)

Now that’s motivation. 

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.
Robert Fulghum

Election Results

The election is over. It seems a general consensus for most people, is relief. 
No more automated calls. A temporary end to annoying and confusing prop 
commercials. Reuniting with friends and family recently hidden, unsubscribed  to 
or temporarily deleted by the polarized frenzy that dominated our social 
networks. People are back to talking about the weather, posting messages of 
thanks for the holiday and their life events. It seems like much of the world is 
back in pre-election order. 

Comparing my experience of the 2008 election with the most recent, I can't help 
but notice a very significant social shift. Although only four years ago, there 
has been a dramatic change in one area in particular I'd like to highlight, 
although there were many issues this season to discuss, and often were discussed 
quite emotionally. The inequality issue. You know that big GAY issue. Now, 
wherever you stand on the issue is really not the point I would like to draw 
attention to, it's the social reaction to this issue I'm fixated on. 

I was extremely interested in the 2008 election, thrilled by the opportunity of 
having the first black president in my lifetime, in addition, having such a 
strong candidate represent my party. I followed Nate Silver before he became a 
household name, and a pundits worst nightmare. I watched in amazement as history 
was made and changed. A true revolution had begun. 

In my experience, four years ago, gay marriage was a hot topic. It has been, for 
quite a while. Although many people, gay and straight were demanding these 
rights, it was put on the back burner. After all, we had just finished with an 8 
year reign, that left the country in an upheaval. Our economy was failing, our 
image as a country was failing, our caring for one another was failing. We were 
a big fat American failure. Instead of continuing a giant pity party, the 
country banded together (the majority anyway) and saw hope over despair. 

Homosexuality as a social issue, although no stranger to conflict and strife, by 
2008 seemed to be integrated as somewhat socially acceptable, despite it's 
longterm taboo in western culture. Finally it seemed as if the 'taboo' was 
beginning to be seen for what it was. No big fucking deal. There was a tolerant 
air about it. Almost as if it was being quietly, and politely accepted. Although 
the marriage equality issue was still very important to the gay community, and 
miles away from where they wanted to be, my perception was, for them to have the 
opportunity to be outwardly accepted was a huge and overdue milestone. Almost as 
if to say, it's okay if you don't agree with me, or if you think it's wrong, or 
against your religion, or don't support my desire for fair or equal rights; we 
can still be friends, and will always be family etc. A bittersweet unspoken 
social treaty was being upheld. Repression of the people, by closeted bigots. 
After all by 2008, being outwardly hateful just wasn't very PC.  

Fast forward 2012. The year the world ends. Great profits decorations, mayans, 
buzz, buzz, buzz about the end of the world as we know it. A humming of social 
consciousness shifting and transformations taking place. New election, new 
issues. Well, not really. Same issues of every election, just a different time. 
I was just as passionate about this election, but for some reason felt more 
outspoken then ever about it. Before I was loud, but now I couldn't help but 
scream. All around me people had opinions, and they were being just as loud. 
Social networking sites like Facebook which were always a place of opinion, 
became sounding boards for peoples platforms, such as myself. Facts, lies, 
comedy, news, petitions, and some knock out drag out facebook faceoffs, usually 
ending in a gang up of likeminded facebook friends, a deletion, or at the very 
least an agree to disagree and a visit to said 'friends' page to unsubscribe. 
People were worked up and they wanted to not just talk about it, but make some 
serious ultimatums. 

The issues started to become poster topics, and with two justices up for grabs, 
the importance was tangible. The gay issue was back and bigger than ever. With 
one candidate in solidarity and one in opposition. An old war was re-ignited. 
Although this time the fallout would be much different. All of a sudden, when 
push came to shove, and a friend or family member or social networking 
acquaintance disagreed with a stance, that often represented a right of that 
person, the relationship was scarred. There was no more 'agree to disagree.' A 
line was drawn in the virtual sand. You stand with me, or you stand against me, 
and no one in my chosen circle will stand in opposition of being equal to me. 
People declared their stances, and taunted friends and family to de-friend them 
as a means to make a long overdue statement. Now everything was different. Our 
friendships and our family meant nothing without support and love. These values 
were being tested and tried. It was not good enough anymore to simply love 
someone and then, simultaneously vote against them. The hypocrisy was exposed. 

It's been in my experience to witness a majority of older people are less open 
to new ideas or change, and I've often wondered if that was in direct 
correlation to someone being considered 'old'. After all, I know people who are 
older in age and not in body, mind, and spirit. In contrast, I know people who 
are young that seem 'old'. I think it may be flexibility. As you age you become 
more or less flexible. In mind, in body and in spirit.  Or rather, more 
inclusive, or more exclusive. Due to this recent thought, I've tried to make an 
even more concentrated effort to include more, than exclude. Now, my opinions on 
things like politics, religion and other hot button topics are still prevalent, 
however, I try not to perpetuate an us verses them mentality. I've tried to come 
to the realization that as passionately as I believe in what I think is right, 
so is the person I disagree with, therefore, we are the same. This of course 
never dissuades me from actually having a nice healthy debate. Due to the 
dichotomy, it's made me reflect on this core question;

How does one create and nurture diversity without division?

How can we unite when we have such polarizing viewpoints. Contrast will always 
be present, as a means and marker of desire and growth. But how do we celebrate 
diversity, acknowledge and celebration those qualities and yet fully unite? 

I began examining relationships. People bond over shared experiences and 
preferences. When a significant difference emerges, it can be seen and felt much 
like a speed bump. Sometimes, given how serious the preference even, say that 
preference is a belief, a dent is created within the foundation of the 
relationship. Suddenly one questions the validity, truthfulness or authenticity 
of the keen ship. In this example, the very basis of the friendship can be 
compromised due to differences of opinion, especially opinions that weigh heavy 
in symbolic state. Often our religious, or non religious opinions mirror our 
political choices, or values. Thus the issue or opinion, becomes more than just 
opinion, it ties into, and overflows into a multitude of other areas in which we 
must come to terms with in said discrepancy. After all how does one rectify an 
unpleasant disagreement based on core beliefs, when the union was or thought to 
be based in likemindedness?

It can't. A polarizing difference can become divisive within the friendship. 
This event creates opposition and starts to eliminate the bonding of shared 
experience or preference. Once the unraveling begins, it becomes difficult to 
merely switch topics or find something else to align with. After the initial 
dent, erosion begins and while parties try to rectify their position and 
rational themselves out of the possibility or probability of the disagreement 
being of a petty nature, the damage has been done. Often in relation to very 
passionate beliefs, alienation of affection is instilled, conscious or 
unconscious, and the once touted connection, pervaded, has a shelf life nearing 

How do we unite when we disagree, especially on such alienating issues? I don't 
have an answer. The next paragraph is my best shot at a solution for my theory. 

By no means is it a solution to all conflict. In fact, often it's damn near 
impossible. I'm reminded of a Viktor Frankl quote; 'When we are no longer able 
to change a situation- we are challenged to change ourselves.' It reminds me 
that the only calm place in a hurricane, is the eye or the center. The center is 
always ourselves. What I know for certain is, as a human being, I want to be 
heard, respected, loved, cherished, and celebrated. I think everyone innately 
wants these things. I know I want to remain flexible in mind, so I must learn 
how to see more point of views than my own, and see where I may be exclusive or 
inflexible in my life. I want to continue being flexible in body, so I continue 
to dance and be a yogi. I want to remain being flexible in spirit so I must find 
joy, in both trials and triumphs. And, anytime I am doing anything less than any 
of these things I'm embarrassed to admit, I'm further from my objection than I'd 
like to be. In celebrating differences and seeing the benefit to them, minus the 
hate, is a road to uniting, even in a difficult and divisive time. How do we 
create and nurture diversity without division? I can only change me, so that's 
what I must do. What better time to practice, than the holiday season, on the 
cusp of the 'end of the world' as we knew it. 

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
Bill Cosby

The times are changing

The times are changing

Kony 2012, and our growing social ‘new media’

Lately I’ve noticed a growing societal trend. Amongst the causes and groups, the kickstarters and the pledges points to a developing theme. The most recent explosional cause and campaign: Kody 2012, led me to drew a very specific conclusion. First though, if you have not watched the already famous video presentation I urge you to do so. Specifically for the opportunity to understand the following context and to possibly expand your experiences in social media.

Following my viewing of the Kony 2012 campaign video; I donated as my friends did and discussed it with them. We shared the link and changed our photos, probably in an unconscious effort to show a shift in perspective and for what we might felt as, the greater good. It made us feel united, vehement to help our fellow man, and proud to do a good thing, the right thing. I wondered much like many other people, why so many of the world’s injustices were hide from our local (united states) media. Were we, as a nation, just misinformed? Did the greater powers of our country just not care? Or was our media no longer a reflection and representation of us? I had a brief flash back, remembering my first exposure to the Occupy movement. Shocked that the media wouldn’t cover it. It became an internet obsession. Everyone was hearing about it online, posting articles and personal experiences on the social networking sites. Soon following the overload of Occupy information, slowly, the media started to cover it. Following the mainstream media the anti movement propaganda developed. Articles and statements, photos and articles in opposition were born, and a war within a war began. 

Shortly after my exposure to the Kony 2012 explosion, I started to notice anti Kony 2012 videos and articles. I was curious. Who would be against such good? I read and listened, and felt a sadness. Again the war within a war had ignited. Even friends on my social media forums were speaking out, not for the children the cause was meant to help, but in opposition of the group collecting and distributing the funding. Allegations of fruad. Accusations about how awful Uganda’s government and military was, aligning in human affairs to Kony and his atrocities. Rumors that certain hateful religious groups had also funded the campaign inferring insidious purposes. For a second I felt jilted and fear that perhaps we had all been had, and that nothing was truly ‘good.’ That feeling was quickly replaced by a greater realization. Below I have shared with you my response to an article posted by a friend, reflecting some of the above claims. I think it outlines my feelings perfectly. 

I tried to read it all, but I just couldn’t. This article nor any you send or post will change my standpoint on this issue. Here’s why, and I’m guessing you want to know, because you tagged me in the post.

Right now in life I’m choosing hope. I’ve given money to the homeless that undoubtingly have bought booze or drugs, I donated to the Red Cross during 9/11 when soon after was discovered the executives of the company made 6 figure salaries that year. Foolishly I even ‘contributed’ to a pyramid scam once. (That one specifically, I learned from) All of these experiences have the same theme in common. Hope. 

Hope that someone with nothing for a second can feel like they have something. Hope in that when something horrible happens to a nation that everyone will contribute in aid. Hope that at any point in time you can take action to improve your life, even if it doesn’t go your way in the end. For me, hope has become a catalyst for motivation. It is not in expectation of an unrealistic or unattainable outcome. It is not in the hunger for the guarantee of my personal beliefs or agenda. 

I like that people dislike what is going on in Africa, because up until recently not many American’s (or other countries) paid much attention (a few celebrities did, but it did not start a movement). I like that people are willing to give, even in an economy that is recovering. I like that young people are interested in being revolutionaries. Most of all regarding the Kony campaign is the idea that a bunch of caring people can demand what we want in our country, government, and the world, through what I see as our ‘new’ media. Our social networking sites. We now decide what news is and isn’t. We are now bringing to attention the ideas and stories that matter to us. I like the idea that this is going on. It’s electric, it feels good and to me, that is hope. 

I am not concerned with who gives money to who, because in our time space money is the means in which much gets done. I wouldn’t negate a hooker donating to a church, or other seemingly ironic situations, so I wouldn’t negate this. I understand the gist of the article - and make no mistake I un waveringly support and desperately want equality for all, specifically, the hopes and dreams of the LBGT community. I also very much like and appreciate the site in which you sent the link from.

The Kony 2012 Campaign lets me continue to focus on the transcendence of the human spirit, this is what I choose to see, and because one defines their reality, it is mine. However, as indulgent my love for likemindedness is, I also can find appreciation in diversity. Your views often differ slightly than my own, however, it is in this contrast that expansion is born, and without an expanding universe everything would cease to be. So, thank you for this link, I appreciate your view point, thank you as well for continuing to bring attention to the Kony 2012 Campaign as even in your suspicion you are still carrying out the underlying cause of the mission - awareness and attention.’  
The message of the Kony 2012 campaign is much stronger than the cause it outlines. It is, as stated in the presentation, a global experiment. We are now the dictators of our cares and our causes. As a result we are the makers of our realities. I think a community, nation and world based on awareness and attention is imperative to experience this special time space reality. People want hope, people want change and they are personally and intimately involved in the acquisition of it.

'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another without losing enthusiasm.'
Winston Churchill